There are almost limitless examples of transformation and rebirth found on earth. Coal can become diamonds and the most unlikely caterpillars can turn into a butterflies given the right circumstance. These once overlooked examples of ordinary, almost irritating reminders of the unexceptional, go through metamorphosis of extreme pressure, resistance, pain and ultimately, a sort of death to become some of the most treasured creations on the planet. Sometimes I wonder what the world would look like if these natural phenomenon and processes were riddled with doubt. What would happen if as the caterpillar’s exterior warped into wings, its whole frame breaking down and turning to mush, they obsessed and ruminated about being broken, thinking they would never being able to move past their current state. What if the magnolia buds during the harsh Marches of the northern Midwest whispered to each other of their unworthiness, inability to bloom with frost around them. Because they try anyway and usually succeed.
Expanding our perspective outside humanity into broader systems of nature, we realize transformation happens often as a switch, an inner and outer knowing of something greater. Whether this is understood by higher consciousness, God, spirit, photosynthesis, gravity, there is something so synchronized and collective that spurs infinite growth; allowing for some of the doubt in our existence and capacity to start to dissipate.
However, sometimes we must jump into uncharted territories; terrifying voids of dimensions, relying on nothing but the beatings of our hearts as a compass. Sometimes we hear calls so outlandish inside ourselves that our rational minds push so far deep into ourselves that they seem to go away until usually the worst possible time. I think of my friends, who decided to bike down the entire west coast over a summer, with minimal experience in attempt to grieve properly for the untimely death of their mutual best friend. Or my own grandfather, who heard what he identified as a call to serve as he was raising ten children with my grandmother to quit his job as a music teacher. And while it would be imaginable for him to fall into a state of terror or doubt, he and my grandmother reportedly remained very calm — with a consistent, at times, seemingly unrealistic faith for the path to show itself. After about four months, he found a job as an organist and musical director at a church, where he worked until he retired. He may have doubted himself, but he never doubted his faith.
Author Paulo Coehlo writes, “When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change.” No matter how otherworldly or seemingly impossible, the heart knows so much more than the mind could ever interpret.
I think the capacity for transformation and restoration is infinite, though doubt often keeps us in a state of stagnation. Humanity is in a state of doubt of our own worth and capacity, as much of what is happening in the world — or what is being publicized seems completely out of control. Oppressive institutions seem omnipresent and necessary for human survival. The focus on upward mobility and a stable job in imperialist capitalist economies surpasses the necessity for love and community among people. There seems to be no sort of accountability of the faceless giants that own oil companies that pollute the ocean, or to the prison industrial complex that controls the bodies of almost 4 million people — predominately black, brown and poor — on US soil. Those who question the necessity of the system and almost religious following of oppression, by imagining new ways of being are called conspiracists, lazy, revolters, heretics, crazy, and criminals. Throughout history, these people have been slandered and even killed by their brave dissent and manifested imaginations of better worlds. We later solidify these rejected people into sort of deities, saints, or geniuses. What does that say about us that we only celebrate change-makers when they pass on?
I don’t think anyone can afford to limit these imaginations and hopes of better futures and presences, no matter how crazy and seemingly impossible they may be. Most importantly, these societal transformations start within ourselves. If you hate oppression, first look for that oppression within your mind and body then discipline yourself to change those belief systems. I remember talking to a friend while he was living, studying and working at the border between Mexico and the US in Tucson, Arizona and asked him how he was doing. “I’m learning, but mostly unlearning,” he said.
If you want to see the end of war, start by learning how to be kind to yourself. The Sufi mystic Rumi says “your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” By working on your own alignment to what is good, you will start to find others in the very same awakening process.
Try not to doubt your path, and try not to doubt the process; be ever-evolving and always learning, be accountable and do all of this with love. This process of presence is much easier said than done, but it often helps transform experiences rather than stile them, or use them for ammunition the next time someone causes you pain. Krista Tippet, a spiritual speaker and writer talks about how much spiritual health requires practice. So I think we must practice together and see what happens.
In many shamanic societies, when someone becomes depressed, doubtful or stuck, they will be asked : when did you stop dancing? when did you stop singing? when did you stop being enchanted by stories? and when did you stop finding the comfort in the sweet territory of silence? What you can do to bring more of these things alive in your reality?
